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AND another WIP script, this time for my story "Lost Souls"
Again, could REALLY use some critiques on this one. And don't hold back, I want as much criticism as I can get.
P.S. In case people are confused as to why I do it in a script form, it's because I write out a story this way first, and then I add pictures and make it into a comic (it helps with organizing). Hope that clears up confusion.
Alright, here ya go peeps, and tell me what you all think.
"Lost Souls" belongs to
Again, could REALLY use some critiques on this one. And don't hold back, I want as much criticism as I can get.
P.S. In case people are confused as to why I do it in a script form, it's because I write out a story this way first, and then I add pictures and make it into a comic (it helps with organizing). Hope that clears up confusion.
Alright, here ya go peeps, and tell me what you all think.
"Lost Souls" belongs to
Mature
© 2013 - 2024 UNlucky0013
Comments6
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Overall Vision
Originality Technique ImpactI like the premise! But you have a few things to learn with comics:
The monologue is way too long. A good standard for words per page is found here:
[link]
Writing panels will help the artist know what he's drawing here. I know you plan to do them later, but you could give more description still for us readers. How high up was the room Drake was in?
If the guy he wants to kill was just released from a court case, would there be reporters around, police, followers? Especially if he's the head of a cult...
Your dialogue could use a bit of work, but I can feel the characters and the emotions coming out, so it's a good start.
I look forward to seeing your next rough for this!